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Monday, February 08, 2010

Birds



So if you know me well...you know there is one thing I am scared of....birds.
Don't ask why. There is no deep psychological reason. I mean I think a duck bit me when I was trying to feed it bread behind my grandparents house when I was little. Recently my mom told me a story of how my grandfather had a box with feathers in it and when I opened it, he scared me and attacked as if a buzzard was attacking me. But is that why I don't like them? Who knows?

But I think they are awful. I am pretty sure they are evil and hell is full of birds. Anyways I just don't like them. And many of you have seen me try to avoid them at all costs. It is to the point that I had to mentally prepare and pray throughout the trip to the zoo with the Epworth kids who wanted to go in the bird cage where they fly around and you could feed them. Normally I would not have gone, but if I had not the kids I was with could not have gone. But I was pretty afraid that they would hear Ms. Erin say a bad word if a bird came anywhere close to me.

Well a while back in one of my groups at CYDC we were talking about fears. And when I say a while back I mean it. It may have been a year or so ago. When no one would share their fears, I tried a little self-disclosure (as appropriate) and told the kidds that I did not like birds. They of course laughed at me and have not let me forget it. To this day one of the kids makes bird references and noises every week during group. This same lovely child drew me this picture today on a plate. Scary thing is....the picture is scarily accurate! And please note that my last name was changed from Kornahrens to Birdnahrens. Kids..they think they are so clever.

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Love for Haiti

I have been looking for ways to get involved and do something for the people of Haiti. My heart hurts for them and I am often reminded of my time in Indonesia as I read about them and see coverage of the devastation. While they are worlds apart, there are so many similiarities. Here is just one of the ways I have found to help.
Do it...spread the love.

http://www.setupevents.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=event_detail&eventID=1534

Monday, February 01, 2010

A month later.....



Well here it is February 1 and I have not updated since January 1. And well to be honest, lots has been going on, but I am not sure that I could write about all of it. I am the type of person who wants to be honest about my feelings. But in reality, I know the internet is not the safest place to do that in many situations.

I find myself in the midst of more transitions. Although quite honestly that seems to be the story of my life. But then again, whose life is that not? Isn't life about nothing but change?

I often do not understand God's plan for me. I do not understand why lately several doors have shut. I do not understand why several people have been taken away from me. (And I realize that no one has been taken completely away from me, but there is definiely more distance between me and some loved ones at this moment. And the everyday support I had grown so accustomed to has been changed on several levels: professionally, socially, and emotionally.)

Yet I am trying to seek God in this transition and be open to what He has for me. I learned a long time ago that while I often act like it, I do not know what is best for me. I am trusting and hoping for His plan to be revealed to me. In the midst of the uncertainty I am clinging to what is certain. In the midst of betrayal and shady interactions, I am clinging to the One who is Truth and Justice. In the midst of frustration and confusion, I am seekng the Ultimate Counselor and Prince of Peace.

On another note, here are some picture updates...just to let you know it hasn't been all so hard:) Got to celebrate Peyton turning 3!

Friday, January 01, 2010

Reflection

As I sit here on New Year's Day in our little cabin outside of Asheville, NC, I cannot help but be somewhat reflective. I mean I have all the ingredients for a nice dose of reflection. I am secluded and away on vacation in a secluded area. It is too cold and snowy to go out. I am sitting by a fireplace in a quiet room with only my own thoughts. What would happen if only I got more opportunities like this?

Today is the start of another year. This brings about lots of thoughts and ideas about how to improve next year. It brings about memories of what happened last year. I love all the count down shows that come on. I like watching them because often I don't even remember all the things that have happened. I enjoy reflecting and wish I took the time to do it more often.

2009 was an interesting year. Work was probably my hardest challenge. And notice I said that even though this was my first full ear being married, which was not as challenging to say the least. Now don't get me wrong...it was challenging at times, but work was the heavy hitter this year. I experienced a lot of changes as I have worked in three different programs in 2009. I also lost several coworkers due to changes and layoffs. I saw many children come and go. My hope is that something I brought to the table with them will help them at some point.

Yet more than this year, I began thinking about how we are entering a new decade. That got me reminiscing about all that has happened in the last ten years of the last decade. And it is a lot. I am not even sure I could capture it all. I went from being in high school to being a full time employee with two degrees and a counseling license. So here is my list of things that stand out to me over the last decade:

-I graduated high school.
-I experienced my father going through alcohol rehabilitaiton.
-I went to college, moving to Rock Hill to attend Winthrop.
-I almost lost my grandmother, but she survived and is still with us today.
-I graduated college.
-I moved to Columbia, SC and began working a full time job while in graduate school.
-I lost my father.
-I lost my grandfather.
-I went to Indonesia and Singapore on two trips over two summers.
-I graduated with my master's.
-I began dating my husband, got engaged, and got married.
-I began my first full time counseling job at Epworth Children's Home.
-I moved to Charleston.
-I began working at CYDC.
-I began running and have run several 5k's.


There are so many other important bullets that go in there. Those are just the broad bullet points. In the last ten years, I have made some of the most wonderful friends a person could ever have. In losing loved ones, I have also experienced other friends losing loved ones. Nothing can quite compare to the feeling of loss. But through it all, I cannot begin to describe or put into words how much I grew in my relationship with God. I cannot begin to share how much God was orchestrating and there in each and every step of that 10 year journey. Looking back, I can see ways beyond of a shadow of a doubt that God provided for me. He provided financially and emotionally. So in reflecting, it makes me realize how true the verse Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to give you a hope and a future," is.

I remember sitting in my old room at my parents old house prior to leaving for college and in the midst of trials with my father. I sat journaling and bawling my eyes out not knowing how it would work out for me to go to college and be ok on my own. I often had these cry sessions with God throughout this 10 year journey. Yet in reflecting, I can see how He undoubtedly and lavishly provided for me, His child. I am living proof of that verse and that God provides. So now in the midst of another period of uncertainty in my life....again I cling to that verse and my Savior's promises. And with that I can confidently say that despite not knowig exactly what my future looks like, I know who does and He has not disappointed me thus far...so I cling to Him and His promises in this next decade.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Ipod vs. My God

Today the sermon at church was based on 2 Timothy Chapter 1. "But it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel." Verse 10
While this is not a typical verse or passage used for Christmas, the pastor did a nice job of connecting it. One illustration that he used really stood out to me.

He talked about how so many items that people want this Christmas are things that have the word, "I" in them. Of course he was referring to Ipods, Iphones, Itouches, etc. He asked a question which stated that he wondered what Christmas would be like if instead of Ipod this Christmas we focused on "My God."

Now while it may sound a bit cheesy at first, this hit me. And the reason it hit me is that I have been without my Ipod lately. I washed it in my gym clothes a while back. I was so mad. I thought, "How can I go to the gym without it?" I had become that dependent on it. In fact, to be honest, I did not go for a week because of not having the Ipod. I let that be my underlying excuse. Due to not having the music to run to, I did not want to go. All the while I kept wondering when I could go to buy one. My focus became not having the Ipod.

All that to say, is when the pastor shared that today, it hit me hard that I have not been put that much importance on my time with God. I have not been upset about not spending time with Him. I have not given up something else due to not having time with God. I have not let it get to me so much that I look up options of ways to spend time with God, like I have with the Ipod.


How is it that it is so easy to put so many other things before what is important? I get so frustrated that I do that. But then I just have to remember what is important and work towards spending more time on that. I need time with God. While I think I need an Ipod, it is not the same. I have been able to run this week without it. But am I able to run the race God has set before me without Him? Maybe for a while, but it is not the way He would want it....or then it becomes my race and not His. And I have run enough races on my own to know I need to have Him there guiding me and with me each and every step of the way.

So needless to say, I was thankful for the words God spoke to me today through the pastor and the illustration that hit me personally at that moment. God knows exactly what we need when we need it. So this Christmas, I will be focusing on my God and praying that it continues and I learn more and more about the importance of who He is and my time with Him.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Temporary Home

I absolultely love this new Carrie Underwood song, Temporary Home. You know it's a good one when it brings tears to your eyes the first time you hear it. Check it out.

Little boy, 6 years old
A little too used to bein' alone
Another new mom and dad,another school
Another house that'll never be home
When people ask him how he likes this place
He looks up and says with a smile upon his face

"This is my temporary home
It's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through
This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know this is my
Temporary Home."

Young mom on her own
She needs a little help got nowhere to go
She's lookin' for a job, lookin' for a way out
Because a half-way house will never be a home
At night she whispers to her baby girl
Someday we'll find a place here in this world

"This is our temporary home
It's not where we belong
Windows and rooms that we're passin' through
This is just a stop, on the way to where we're going
I'm not afraid because I know this is our
Temporary Home."

Old man, hospital bed
The room is filled with people he loves
And he whispers don't cry for me
I'll see you all someday
He looks up and says "I can see God's face"

"This is my temporary Home
It's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through
This was just a stop,on the way To where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know this was
My temporary home."

This is our temporary home

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Turkey Day Run



Well seems I have gotten off track. I ran this run on Thanksgiving day and have kind of been slacking since. I found this picture today and it was a quick reminder that I need to get back into it. Amazing what even not running as much over the last two weeks can do.

This was my fastest time yet. I pushed myself but wanna keep going. So goodbye laziness...hello tennis shoes again.